


you create a rarity of my genuine smile

by strawberryfire



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Billy survived the mind flayer, Fix-It, Fluff, M/M, Minor season 3 spoilers, Wholesome, after season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-27 02:58:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19781851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberryfire/pseuds/strawberryfire
Summary: steve leans against billy’s door, “hey, um, just came to ask how you’re doing.”“i’m getting better, whatever that means.”—set after the starcourt battle. billy was saved because joyce turned the keys sooner.





	you create a rarity of my genuine smile

**Author's Note:**

> this is me venting my tears into a bad fic bc billy is a misunderstood angel who deserved so so much better. also psa i’m not mad at joyce it wasn’t her fault it was suzie’s lol yikes
> 
> song that inspired this: intertwined by dodie

i wake up in a cold sweat again.

the nightmares wouldn’t stop. this happened every night. it didn’t matter how much melatonin i took. at least i was able to stop from screaming.

i was in my room, in my house, the house i hated so much but for some reason, the hate that filled the air every day wasn’t there.

my parents are gone, some trip to Cincinnati to meet friends for a high school reunion.

max was giggling in her room as will was desperately trying to explain dungeons and dragons to her without her making a joke.

steve and robin were laughing at saturday night live downstairs.  
  
i sat up, wondering why everyone was at my house. for a second, thought that maybe they were there to make sure i was okay but i quickly waved that thought away. no one would ever care about me that much, right?

i hear robin mention my name.

“steve, you can’t hide away from your feelings anymore. you like billy. i know you do and don’t lie, friends don’t lie.”

steve scoffs a little, “eleven taught you the friends don’t lie thing, yippie.”

i could almost feel robin’s annoyed glare from all the way upstairs, “that doesn’t matter, what matters is your feelings. go upstairs and talk to him.”

steve sighs, “fine. i do like him. a lot. and i worry about him. a lot.”

i get up and put on jeans, the bootcut ones that are tight on my ass. steve loves these so much. i looks at myself in the mirror and fix my bed hair. steve loves my curls. always says i look like shirley temple.

just as im about to leave my room, steve walks in and bumps into me. i stumble backwards, “jeeze, stevie you could have knocked.”

steve gets all flushed, apologizing like ten times. “sorry, bro, i didn’t mean to do that.”

i smiles a little, “it’s okay.”

[steve’s heart breaks a little. billy hadn’t smiled in four and a half months. not once. not even a giggle or a laugh. his laugh, steve loved it. sometimes it was cocky, but either way, steve missed it.]

steve leans against my door, “hey, um, just came to ask how you were doing.” after four and a half months he still can’t say it. 

“i’m getting better, whatever that means.” i say. i look down at the faded grey veins on my arms. there are scratch marks on my biceps from my attempts at peeling off the black reminders of the mind flayer. 

steve takes a deep breath and sits beside me. 

“y’know, you should think of those as a good thing.”

i look at him like he has two heads, “are you crazy?”

“probably. what i mean is those are a reminder that you lived. you made it, you’re a hero.”

“yeah…yeah, i guess you’re right.”

”getting better is a funny phrase, billy…but it’s possible. i promise.”

i smile just a little bit more than last time. 

“it’s not just the mind flayer that bothers me…i feel like i don’t belong in society.”

steve frowns, not sure how to respond. 

“you have people that love you..nobody loves me. people are still going to think i’m a monster. i’ve killed people, steve.” i look down at my feet.

”max loves you, eleven loves you.” steve says.

i just nod. why won’t he say it?

“and it wasn’t you who killed those people. the mind flayer did. you are not that horrid monster, billy, or your father. i know you, billy. a kind and caring person who just wants some love, right?”

i nod again.

[steve’s heart is racing. he wants to say it. he wants to pull some shakespeare shit, climb on the rooftop and scream it, i love billy hargrove! he wants everyone in town to know it, even if they’ll beat him up.]

we sit in silence for a few minutes. steve is bouncing his leg and keeps wiping his hands on his jeans, afraid the sweat is showing. it’s what he does when he’s nervous. it’s adorable. 

just as i hear him take a deep breath in to say what was stuck in his throat, i go downstairs and open a beer. 

he lets go of the air and mumbles, “goddamnit.”

he comes downstairs a few minutes later. he changes the channel to mtv and robin groans, “oh come on nowwww!”

i sit down on the couch and sip my drink.

i look at steve, who is watching some infomercial on tv. gosh what i give to kiss those pretty lips of his.

he really has no idea how much he means to me. september 1st we got high at his house. he held me in his arms that night and oh god, i knew right then i was fucked. i felt love, real love, for the first time in years. he made me feel okay. he called me his little star that night. he played faithfully by journey. he sang along to it awfully off key. that was the last time i remember laughing. in that moment, i felt 18. i felt normal and happy.

i don’t think i’ll ever feel those things again. 

“sush robin.” just as the commercial ends, i wanna dance with somebody by whitney houston comes on. 

steve holds his hand out to me.

”dance with me, pretty boy.”

i look up at him. he has a big dumb grin on his face. he’s still got a scars under his eye from the massive black eye that russian gave him. 

i take his hand and he pulls me up from the couch. he grabs his comb and sings into it, his voice squeaking as he attempts the high notes. 

i just stand there, watching him.

soon the kids are all downstairs, dancing and singing along off key with him. 

he holds both my hands and makes me dance with him. he’s giggling and his hair is all messed up. 

without even really noticing, i feel a smile creep up on my face. i’m grinning and laughing with him. he grins right back at me.

the song ends and max is on the ground, cackling at something lucas did. 

steve still has his arms on my shoulders and he’s looking into my eyes, “you smiled. i’ve succeeded!”

i hold onto his wrists and laugh a little, “yeah, i guess you did, harrington.”

he moves his hands so they’re holding mine. he intertwines our fingers. 

the kids and robins laughing fade away and all i can hear is us. our breathing, our heart beats. his eyes meet mine. 

“you make me feel so safe, steve.” i whisper so soft i’m sure he didn’t hear.

”that’s my goal.” he whispers back. 

i don’t even notice my movements. i’m leaning forward, closing my eyes and moving one of my hands to his cheek. my lips are on his. he’s kissing back. 

i’m back to september 1st. back in his arms. but this time im not on a cloud. this is real, this is a sober decision. 

he slowly pulls away and looks into my eyes again. 

steve’s voice is soft, almost like he’s about to cry, “i’m so happy my lonely heart found yours, billy hargrove…i hope i can make you as happy as you deserve to be.”

i hug him tightly and whispers, “you too, steve harrington.”

love was a strong word and we both knew that. we couldn’t say it yet, but we would soon.


End file.
